| (no subject) |
[Oct. 11th, 2006|02:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
sometimes i miss him so much that i don't think i can take it...
and i feel like i can't even breathe |
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| happy birthday to....me? |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|11:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  surprised | ] |
i'm 19 fucking years old...
what the fuck have i been doing to make this fly by so fast?
i'm a little scared to grow up :/
ps- it's supposed to snow on my birthday. psssh! |
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| writing papers really sucks... |
[Nov. 28th, 2005|09:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
ok so i have a 5 page paper due on thursday for my humanities exam...and i'm updating my livejournal.
thanksgiving was okay. it was fun hanging out with the fam and all..but i was SOOOOOO ready to come back to louisville. i realized something while i was home though....i HATE northern kentucky. i REALLY, REALLY hate it here. there's nothing to do. people are boring, and my parents get on my nerves. i mean, i love my friends and all, but we always do the same thing. not to mention, i don't like a bunch of people back home. i think thats why i love louisville so much. it's a whole different scene here. i'm actually thinking about staying here this summer because it is going to suck back home. not to mention if grant and i are still together i'm really gonna miss him. plus, i realized another thing while being back there. the temptation is WAAAAAY too great there. it's hard to hang out with guys whom you have a past with. especially when grant isn't around and i miss him soooo much. i don't know though. i'm the type of person that gets bored after a while and needs a change of pace. louisville just feels like home to me. i love the city, i love the people, i love where i live. i'm dreading going back for christmas break. thank god we don't have a lockout.
grant and i are doing okay. some stuff happened this weekend to shake us up a bit, but nothing major. i don't know what it is about that boy, but when i'm with him i just...forget about the world. it's been so long since i felt so happy with one person.
back to my break...
i saw stacey and andrea. i haven't seen them since i left! it was refreshing, i do have to say. i also went over emilie's house who is my boss at snappy's. a bunch of girls that i work with were there. emilie, christy, lindsay, caitlin, elise, and some of em's friends were there. we were all drinking and having a good time. we were gonna go midnight bowling, but we decided to x it. i had 2 drinks throughout the night and left around 3. well, on my way getting onto the interstate, i get PULLED OVER! oh and here;s the best part. I HAD TO TAKE A DUI TEST! i wasn't even nervous either. i was driving my mom's car, and i'm not used to driving that huge boat of a car. when i was turning onto the interstate i swurved into the other lane and the cop thought i was drunk. so he makes me do this finger counting test and another one where i follow his fingers. i passed with flying colors and i explained that i just wasn't used to such a big car. he apologized for pulling me over and sent me on my way. talk about luck! i can't help but laugh when i think about it.
i didn't think that i was going to be able to come back to louisville because my car was broken, but i lucked out again and it worked til i got back. THANK GOD! i really could NOT have spent another day there. anywho, i suppose i should get back to writing this freakin paper... |
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| i'm bored and i can't sleep! |
[Nov. 5th, 2005|01:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
10 Firsts:
-Best Friend: lauren fleming
-Screen Name: obhave321 (i loved austin powers)
-Piercing: ears
-Music: shit i don't remember
-Stuffed animal: i had a blankie but the first one i remember is the one mav got me when i was in the hospital and it was a white bear
-Failing grade: uhmmm? hah who knows. those have happened a lot.
-Kiss: my first "real" kiss was mike arlinghaus *shudders* what was i thinking...
-Love: ugh..you all know his name..i'm not gonna say it
-Vacation: disney
-Time you got really trashed: REALLY trashed was gatlinburg because it was the first time i passed out
9 Lasts:
-Cigarette: about an hour and a half ago with grant and his dad
-Alcoholic beverage: last night at grant's grandma's
-Phone Call: jenny oh i love her <3
-CD Played: the spill canvas <33333
-Bubble bath: last weekend when i went home
-You cried: tuesday when grant and i had our first fight :/
-Food: breakfast at grant's
-Movie: jarhead...there's penises in that movie!!!
-Love: jerry...i'm not sure if i'm in love with grant yet
8 Have You Evers:
-Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: yes...jerry
-Ever Been Arrested: no but VERY close to it
-Ever Skinny Dipped: yes
-Ever Been on TV: yes
-Ever been to another country: no
-Ever Kissed Someone and Then Regretted It: i don't have regrets
-Ever had a Suggestive Dream About Someone: yes
-Ever cheated: i don't believe in cheating
7 Things You're Wearing:
1) red louisville sweat pants
2) louisville t-shirt
3) bra
4) Underwear
5) socks
6) my new glasses
7) hair tie?
6 Things You've Done Today/ Happened to you:
1) woke up with grant
2) ate breakfast with his family
3) made funny faces with kayla his niece
4) peed
5) went to sears
6) talked to majal and derek
6 People You Can Tell [ALMOST] Anything to:
1) jenny
2) jordan
3) casey
4) alison
5) grant
6) jay (sometimes)
4 people you admire:
1) my grandpa
2) jordan
3) my dad
4) my other grandpa
3 Choices:
-Black or White: Black
-Hot or Cold: hot
-Sun or Rain: Sun
2 Things You Want to Do Before you die:
1) skydive
2) jump off a waterfall
1 thing you regret:
1) i don't have regrets... |
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| i need you so much closer.. |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|09:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | armor for sleep-remember to feel real | ] |
i haven't updated in ages. life is great right now. i met a boy. his name is grant. he tells me nice things and i like him a lot. i love it when he kisses me and wraps his arms all the way around me. i like how he whispers sweet nothings in my ear. i love how i can be the biggest nerd around him and he still thinks i'm the most amazing girl he has ever met. i love how he takes me on dates to expensive restaurants and don't even blink when it's a 70 dollar bill. he lets me drive his car (which is a lexus) and tells me that he trusts me completely with it. i love how when i got him a parking ticket, he laughed and said i was silly. i love how when we spoon, we fit PERECTLY together, and when i fall asleep he stays up and looks at me. i love it when he calls me amy pasinetti. i like how we can make out for hours and never stop. i love how he knows every spot where i like to be kissed. i like how he always plays with my hair and puts me to sleep. i love how we fall asleep to the postal service and death cab for cutie. i like it when we do puzzles in our poltical science class and make fun of the teacher because he is so weird. i love how he's going to take me to a pumpkin patch and on hayrides. i love how he asked me to go with him to take his niece trick-or-treating. i LOVE how he understands how precious my purple blankie is to me and loves her too. i love how he dresses and smells. i love how he compliments me ALL the time, and he says i have an amazing shoe collection. i love how he wants to meet my parents. i like how he makes me feel inside...
i hate how vulnerable i am making myself. i hate how i'm letting myself like him SO much. i'm nervous that he invited me to go to his brothers wedding dinner rehersal and i have to meet all his family. i get nervous when he talks to his dad about me and i'm sitting right next to him. i hate how i get butterflies in my stomach when i see him. i hate it when he has to go...
it looks like more likes than dislikes. *sigh* please don't let me get hurt... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|01:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
he makes me want to FUCKING PUKE
i never thought i could have this much HATE in my heart... |
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| i think i can, i think i can |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|12:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dave matthews band | ] |
i'm sitting here listening to dave with jordan and david fighting in the background and i can't help but be in a crappy/sappy mood. i've been holding a lot of things in lately and all these emotions are starting to get to me. i don't know how i feel about mitch, i miss someone back home, i hate that friends have hurt me, and i can't stop watching the tv and thinking of the devistation these people are going through. to have EVERYTHING...lost. i can't even imagine how that feels. jordan's whole family lives in biloxi and they have nothing. their house is gone, their business is gone, they have no money, no food, no clean clothes, nothing to drink...absolutely nothing. i feel so helpless because here are people who are like my family that have gone something SO horrible. i just don't know what to think or feel. too many things just running through my head.
i hate the fact that i let things build up inside of me. i hate the fact that i'm not allowing myself to like mitch. i hate that i've been hurt SOOOO many times that i just can't take it. i hate the fact that i miss him. i hate that i am second best to jay. i hate the fact that i feel like i don't know jenny anymore. i hate that muggsie is getting old and i don't know how much longer she is going to be around. i hate feeling so sorry for people. i hate that i saw an old woman cry. basically, i hate being me right now. i ALWAYS seem to do the wrong thing with guys. especially after having my heart torn out and stepped on more than most people can even imagine. i hide so many things from people and secretly cry to myself at night. mitch is wonderful and treats me so well and i'm scared shitless. i want a boyfriend. i want to be loved and i want to love someone back. but everytime i let my guard down, it all goes to the shitter. last night when mitch was holding my hand i felt really...safe, and it was so nice to feel that way. but sometimes, i feel like no matter what i do with him, he'll get hurt. here's such a perfect song to describe me right now...
grace is gone- dave matthews band
Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight
It’s 2 am - I’m drunk again it’s heavy on my mind
I could never love again so much as I love you
Where you end where I begin is like a river going through
Take my eyes take my heart I need them no more
If never again they fall upon the one I so adore
Excuse me please one more drink
Could make it strong cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I’ll move on
One drink to remember then another to forget
How could I ever dream to find sweet love like you again
One drink to remember and another to forget
Excuse me please one more drink
Could make it strong cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I’ll move on
One more drink and I’ll be gone
You think of things impossible and the sun refuse to shine
I woke with you beside me your cold hand lay in mine
Excuse me please one more drink
Could make it strong cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I’ll go
Excuse me please one more drink
Could make it strong cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I’ll move on
One more drink and I’ll be gone
One more drink my Grace is gone
great...now i'm crying. goodnight. |
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| *yawn* |
[Aug. 30th, 2005|12:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
so it's 12:30 and i'm totally putting off reading a chapter of my humanities book because it is so freaking boring i want to shoot myself in the head. i haven't updated in a long time. i'm in college now and it's just absolutely amazing. school is great. i like most of my classes for the most part. being just THAT much closer to being in the dea excites me to NO extend. i can't wait! not to mention the parties. oh my! last week i went to this frat party that had over a thousand people. and i am NOT exaggerating. it was so much fun! i guess i need to talk about the boy situation. there's this one boy named mitch. he's very nice and i think i may like him. we've been on a few dates. he likes to get me drunk too. he's from erlanger and he's 20. i've heard through the grapevine that he really likes me. he tried to kiss me the other day and i said no because i decided that i want our first kiss to be at the fireworks this weekend. i don't know though. he reminds me of a past boyfriend and i'm not quite sure i want to go down that route again because the LAST thing i want in my life is to be reminded of HIM. but back to mitch. i really missed him this weekend and i can't wait to see him this week. there's also another boy i have had my eye on is this boy named chad. he's very, veryyyy cute and awww! i think he likes me since he keeps poking me on facebook. i saw him walking aroun campus the other day and when i said hi to him, his face got all red and he put his head down a little and said hi. how fucking adorable is that? so i don't know! so far though, i love it here.
i love all the new people i have met too. my suitemates are amazing and so is my roommate. i can tell that i'm going to be friends with them for a very long time. especially majal. we are so much alike and i just absoluetly love her! i kind of don't want to go home this weekend because i have so much fun here. this weekend is the uk vs. u of l football game. we already know that we are going to kick their asses, but it should be a good game. my dad got me and jordan AMAZING seats, thank goodness! it's gonna be so much fun! afterwards is a huge party but i don't think i'm gonna go because of the fireworks. actually, i think i might do whatever mitch does because i am going to kiss him. i think i hurt his feelings the last time i didn't kiss him, so i better do it the next time. i'm just not one for making out on the dance floor. or maybe part of me doesn't want a boyfriend sooo fast. orrr maybe i'm holding out for chad? who knows! i'm sure next week i'll feel completely different because, it's me we're talking about. anywho, i need to go read that stupid chapter. |
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| lights will guide you home |
[Aug. 12th, 2005|01:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | fix you-coldplay | ] |
well, i'm lying in my bed looking around at my empty room and i can't help but think about how much my life is about to change. this is one of the last nights i will be sleeping in "my" bed. this room isn't going to be "my" room anymore. and pretty soon this house isn't going to be my "home" anymore. kind of depressing..
so i leave for college in less than a day. i'll admit that i am scared shitless. i'm sort of afraid of this enormous change. i'm afraid to grow up. part of me is still yearning to be a kid again. part of me doesn't want to leave my mom and dad. and a huge part of me doesn't want to leave my home. i sort of like it here.
this summer has been an amazing one. i'm really gonna miss it and my friends and all of the wonderful memories we have made. girls, i love you all to pieces. i'm going to miss you. i'm going to miss "us". i know we will all do fine and go out into the world and have amazing careers and meet amazing husbands and have amazing kids and just have AMAZING lives. just remember one thing. stay true to who you are and NEVER forget where you came from and all the people who have helped you get there. i love you all dearly... |
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| what's a girl to do? |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|02:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
so i'm in one of those blah moods where i haven't wanted to do ANYTHING today. i'm still in my pajamas at 3 in the afternoon, when i TONS of things i should be doing.
i got drunk last night and came home and had a long talk with jordan. i swear my drunken words make more sense than anything i ever say. i've been thinking about certain feelings i've had and that other people have had for me and wondering if they have really been real. i have also been thinking about what they have said/are saying/are going to be saying/say without me knowing and later finding out and if those feelings have really been genuine. i wish i could just pick into their heads and find out if it is at all true. i wish i could ask someone a question about their feelings and get the most honest, most blunt answer. no sugar coating, no frosting. just true, raw, hard FEELINGS. but why is it that we are so afraid to tell someone the way we really feel? besides making yourself extremely vulnerable, what do you have to lose? nothing really. especially if you and that person are nothing to begin with. but what if you do have a history with this person. what the fuck are you supposed to say? "i still love you even though every single hurtful word has come out of my mouth towards you." or maybe a "i never meant to say that...i was just angry." but what if you really DID mean it....just AT THAT TIME. what does that make things? i mean, how the hell can you tell someone that you love them after you've tried so hard to make them hate you? and whats the point of making them hate you? to make it easier on myself? does that REALLY make it easier? and will a simple "i'm sorry" make all of it go away? what the fuck?
whoa i'm getting a bit more philosophical than i intended to be. so many thoughts running through my head. so many actions i want to do or say.
what's a girl to do? |
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| i wanna hate you SO bad, but i can't... |
[Jun. 30th, 2005|12:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dead skin-crossfade | ] |
it's been a while my darlings. much has happened. i went to mississippi last week. wow! what an...interesting time i had.
i went down there with the intention of jay not knowing that i was there, and when he was least expecting it, show up where he and amanda were. i figured everyone in southaven would tell him i was there, but they didn't. it made me happy. so one night i decided to call him. and what do i get? a ring and a half then his voicemail. yep, he ignored my call. outraged, i called again, and again, and again, only to get the same response, give or take a few rings. finally, i hear a pick up then a girl whispering, "who is it?" then, i got a little t.o.ed. i sent him a text telling him that i was in town. meanwhile, he called david and said, "is she really here?" no hello, no nothing. i guess he was a little surprised. we got into a nice little text fight then i went to bed. the next day i drove by sam's club, the place where he works, and scoped out the parking lot for cart boys. sure enough i saw him. i was in the middle of looking at him and getting teary eyed when i got a text. guess who from? HIM! i started to shit myself because i thought he saw me. naturally, i took the fuck off. i was surprised when i got a, "hey..what are you doing?" i told him i was at rachel's waiting for her to get off work. WHEW! a close one huh? then we got into another fight.
the next day he said that he wanted to see me. so he came over. it was weird. i turned the corner and there he was. my stomach turned and my hands got a little sweaty. we both kind of looked at each other in shock and managed to get out a hey. then we sat there, for fifteen minutes, IN DEAD SILENCE. we both had so much that we wanted to say to each other but neither of us knew how to say it. then, he got up and left. while he was walking away he turned around and looked at me and said, "it was really nice to see you" i managed to spurt out a "you too" and then he was gone. part of me was hoping that he would bust through the door and say how sorry he was and blah blah blah, but the other part of me knew that it was jay we were talking about. that would NEVER happen. after he left i sat there with my mouth opened wondering what the fuck had just happened....
later that night we stopped by johnny's so michael could pick up something. he came back in the car and said, "jay and amanda are in there." i made rachel turn the car around and right when we were walking in amy, pat, megan, and heather were walking in. i walked in the door and saw her sitting on the couch. she looked at me and got up and ran to the back of the house crying. i turned and looked behind the door and there he was, with his mouth wide open and this surprised look on his face. i sort of laughed at him and grabbed the beer out of michael's hand and chugged the bitch. he ran to the back after her. after i was finished i had a smile on my face and said that i was ready to go.
we dropped michael off and went back to rachel's to get ready to go to this club. we all get ready and drive down there. rachel drove and jordan and i drank. we got lost in memphis so we drove around until we found the place and a parking lot. we pull in and there's all these bike cops. we park and i hear a knock on my window. i open up the door and smash the cops bike into the other car. he takes my slushy out of my hand and smells it. i asked him if he wanted it and he said no and told us to have a good night. we thought we were off the hook because we had a whole 6 pack in the back. not to mention i had an open can under my foot. rachel had her door open and i whispered for her to close it because there were like 7 cops hanging around the car. i guess she didn't hear me and all of the sudden drunk jordan screams, "thank god they didn't see the beer!" the cop turns around and goes "why did you have to do that? GET OUT OF THE CAR!" he proceeds to tell us that we're gonna be arrested. i start shitting myself, rachel starts crying, and jordan just stands there. he asks to see their licenses and one cop asks me how old i am. i say 18 and they just shake their heads. they make jordan pour out the beer while still yelling at us for being underage and that rachel is going to have all the charges on her because she was the DD. then one says that we can get in the car and go back to southaven or go downtown. we opt for going home and i light up a cigarette and blow the smoke towards to cop. then we get lost on the way home while we all smoke a cigarette and laugh our asses off.
the night was still young so we decided to go back to hopper's. hang out there and chain smoke with all the girls. it was fun. we told them our story and we all laughed. what a good last night!
i thought jay and i were dunzo but the other night i receive a text at 5:30 in the morning. guess who it was? "amy, i just want you to know how sorry i am" along with a "yes, i am losing my mind. i miss her so much amy..i can't stop thinking about her lately." who the her is? i have no fucking idea. i don't even know if that was for me. i proceed to ask him if he's fucked up because it's apparent that he is. his reply: "just in the head." correcto! yes, jay you are VERY fucked up in the head. i haven't heard a word from him since... |
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| hello quin... |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|11:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
i figured i'd update since it's like 11 in the morning and i'm up for some UNGODLY reason. plus, i'm a little bored...
it's been a very exciting couple of weeks. the grad parties have came to a halt. i'm kind of sad but justyn's was a good last party. it was a little crazy when we first got there, but after we moved over to the campsite i looked over in the field and saw fireflies lighting up the field. it was one of the prettiest things i have ever seen. i sat there and drank a beer and smoked a cigarette and just looked in awe. for some reason i just couldn't take my eyes off of it. that night was an exciting night. apparently i took off my shirt and danced to the postal service. that i do not remember. oh well, i guess it was fun?
this weekend was pretty fun as well. i went up to ohio for my cousins wedding. it was nice seeing my extended family. i love them. had a fun time making fun of this girl dancing like a slut with my aunt. we laughed so hard! i also got really drunk with the family. i drank i don't know how many amaretto sours and lots of beer at the reception. afterwards, we all went to the bar. it was fun. the first time i've been in a bar actually drinking. my dad bought me a beer and so did my brother. then my uncle bought one for me. i love him! my dad left and my uncle decided that he wasn't going to let me out of his sight. i sat there with his arm around me and he kept saying, "now i have to watch you because if anything happens to my precious niece your dad will kill me" lol. then his girl decided to spit water at us and my uncle threw his drink in her face. it was the funniest thing i have ever seen! that girl was a bitch. ironically, my brother ended up fucking the girl and we couldn't find them the next day. twas quite humorous when my mom was in the hotel room going, "this is a wedding! not a SEX PARTYYY!" omg i thought i was going to piss my pants. then my grandma goes, "yeah! he just hooks up with some flim flam floozy!" AAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! omg typing that makes me laugh. all in all i had a fun time dancing and partying with my family. they're quite the fun bunch.
last night was quite adventurous as well. after applebee's we decided to go driving in a day's stang. we ended up passing this boy with a big truck. we waved and he turned so we decided to follow him. he went to udf and we wanted ice cream so went there too. we walked in and he smiled and was like, "what are you girls doing tonight?" and we're just like, "oh she had a dance recital" since canj was still in her genie costume. he ended up buying hre ice cream which was nice. i waved to him in the parking lot and he honked his horn. so we go and follow him since he bought her ice cream and so we turn onto 18 and there's another car in the lane we're turning into. andrea didn't see it but i did and my hand grabbed andrea's arm and pulled the wheel because my first thought was, "omg jenny and andrea are gonna get smashed!!!!" i ended up saving our lives lol. i think it freaked a day out a little bit. after the death defying incident we started driving and saw the boy in the truck again! he turned around and i guess he ws looking for us too! so we finally caught up to each other and canj thanked him for the ice cream and he was like "you're welcome, you girls have a nice night" HOW FREAKIN SWEET IS THAT?!!!!! omg i am in love with his mystery man. he was cute! but i think he was into canj since he bought her ice cream lol. he turned into shell to get gas and we lost him. i have this thing now where i'm attracted to boys with big trucks. ever since canj and i rode with dallas in his huge ass truck i've wanted a guy to just drive me around town in a huge truck that makes a lot of noise. if any of you know a boy like that...send him my way. oh! and make sure he is polite and has really good manners like mystery man. because...i'm in love with him.
jordan is coming tomorrow. i can't even begin to describe my excitment. i can't wait to just sit and talk and cry with her. that girl is like my fucking sister. i LOVE her! i can't wait til college. but thinking about college makes me miss jenny because she's "my other half". i love you jenny! we're the gruesome twosome!
i might be going to mississippi next week. lots has happened and we're not talking at the moment. he doesn't know i'm coming. i don't want him to know. i don't want to see him. i'm FURIOUS at him, but then again i love that boy. it's hard to just walk away from someone that you've known for 6 years. i guess it's just something i gotta do. pray for me that i don't run into him...and her. :/
anywho, i need to finish my online banking and then go get ready to get my hair cut. i work tonight..ick! |
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| it reminds me of him.. |
[Jun. 6th, 2005|02:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | coldplay-talk | ] |
this is a good song...
Staind
"Right Here"
I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting |
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| congratuations class of 2005 |
[May. 21st, 2005|03:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bittersweet | ] |
| [ | music |
| | konstantine-something corporate | ] |
"if everything could ever feel this REAL forever, if everything could ever be this GOOD again..."
well, it's my graduation day. i don't really know what to think. i'm scared and nervous and excited and ready to shit my pants all at the same time. it's sad to think that in just a few short hours i won't be a kid again. in a few short months i'll move out of my house and it will never be my "home" again. after tonight, nothing will EVER be the same. friends will drift away, and new ones will be made. memories will fade from all the good times we've had and will soon become those memories that you forgot ALL about, and when you remember them you get that warm feeling inside and a smile appears on your face. i will miss all the laughs and the tears, the fights and the GREAT times. i miss the "four" of us and the times we spent. i'll miss the teachers and the times we got in trouble. i'll miss the f's on tests and the a's. for 13 years this is all i have EVER known. it's just like...what am i going to do with myself now?
yesterday we watched the senior video. there was a picture of me, kita, julie, and holly from one of the first times we ever hung out. i couldn't help but cry. we've all changed SO much. we were little naive girls in that picture. now, we're women. it feels so weird to say that. but it's the truth no matter how much i want to reject my adulthood. but change is inevitable. now i can look back on high school and think of all of the wonderful people i have met. all the laughs i have had. all the friends i have made. all the amazing thing each person has to offer. all the stories i have heard..some more than once lol. you all have helped shape me into the person i am today. thanks.
to the class of 2005, good luck to all of you. i will miss you greatly... |
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[May. 10th, 2005|09:15 pm] |
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| | loved | ] |
i....LOVE.....that boy!
i absolutely LOVE HIM!!!
it's funny how you're friends with someone for most of your life. then, all of the sudden, you wake up one morning and realize that you're in love with this person. then one look into each others eyes and you fall even harder for one another. and when you're feeling down or lonely, he calls and knows exactly what to say to make everything in the world seem okay again. or when you're having one of those days where you feel like you're the ugliest girl in the world, and you look at your phone and there's a text message, saying that you're the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. just like he can read your mind or something..
i just can't stop smiling
*sigh* i love him... |
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| ahhhh!!! |
[May. 9th, 2005|07:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
OMG GUESS WHAT?!!!
I WON A $4000 SCHOLARSHIP!!
4 G'S BABY!!!
omg i'm so happy! thats almost half of my college!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
they said my essay was the thing that made me win. the question was if you could ask three people a question and get an honest answer, who would you ask and what would you ask them. they said that everyone picked like god and stuff like that and out of ALL of the applicants i was the only one who answered the question right. i picked mark mcguire, lee harvey oswald, and john edwards (the guy who talks to the dead). i'm so excited!!! yay me!! |
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| these are the BEST days of our lives... |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|11:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
the passed couple of days have been the GREATEST days of my life. i had so much fun in gatlinburg i don't know if i can ever top it!! it sucks that i'm back home..but i couldn't have asked for a better vacation...
well, we left on sunday around 9 from my house. jenny and i went and met up with her dad so he could put air in the tires. then, off we went to pick up the boys. we loaded all their stuff into the car and we were back on the road at 9:30. the care ride down there was so fricken fun! drew and quincy watched movies and we listened to good music. quincy was CRACKING ME UP the entire time! he brought his cds so we listened to rap most of the time.
quincy- "did you bring any korn?"
jenny- "awww no i didn't think to bring it"
quincy- "...i mean the band"
LMAO!!!! ahhh man! so many good one liners!!
anyways, we got into pigeon forge and i started driving. then the steering wheel started getting all jerky and stuff. so i thought we had a flat tire...turns out it was just the road and i felt like a dumb ass! haha!! so we go and check in to our cabin. they give us directions and some weird ass flyer explaining why there were so many lady bugs around (even though i only saw one) and off we went looking for our cabin!
we turn onto this one road and start going up this big ass hill to get to our place and the directions saw look for a century 21 sign and make a left. well, i see the sign so we make a left and go up this HUGE ASS FUCKING MOUNTAIN ON A FREAKING GRAVEL ROAD! omg i thought we were gonna die! well, we don't see any cabins around and we're at the top so we turn around and go down. turns out it wasn't the right turn..so we finally find our cabin.
it was so freakin CUTE! it was just like in the pictures! i loved it! the boys had their room and we had ours. it was adorable! we had this kick ass hot tub and a great view. ahhh! i loved that place! so we bring all our stuff in and unpack, then go in the hot tub for a while. ahh man! i am IN LOVE with that thing! i'm missing it sooo bad right now! anywho, then we go get ready to go out. so we get into the car and go to gatlinburg. we drove around then decided to play hillbilly golf. this place was sooooo cool! you have to tak this sky lift up this hill and play your way down. needless to say, I KICKED EVERYONES ASSSSS AT HILLBILLY GOLF! drew took score and i could tell he didn't want to admit that i won. yes, me, amy ann smith kicked drew scales's ass at mini-golf. so then i named myself "queen of hillbilly golf." drew still hates to admit it...AND i know quincy cheated!! lol
then we went to this go-kart place. rode those and kicked ass the first time. then the second time jenny ran me off the track!!!! then this hillbilly was like "well darlin go ya wanna go ageen?" lol he was cute but i didn't go. then we went out to eat to corky's, my FAVORITE bbq place that they have in memphis. it sucked though because they didn't have the little drummies and our waitress was a COMPLETE idiot! "do ya'll want yer change back?" "yes" "alright then! bye ya'll!" *all of us give a blank stare* AAAHAHAHAHAHA!! ahh man! good times! so we stopped at the store to pick up some sugar for the kool-aid and some other stuff, then back to the cabin. we all changed into our bathing suites and i made some drinks and we spent the whole night in the hot tub. i got so completly and totally piss ass drunk. lmao! i am NEVER drinking that much again!! it was so much fun though! everyone got out and i wanted to stay in..
quincy- "you're not staying in that hot tub all by yourself!"
me- "yes i am"
drew- "noooo you're not!"
me- "yes i am..i'll be fine. if i fall asleep just wake me up"
quincy- "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! OUT YOU GO!"
LMAO!! i stayed in anyway. quincy kept an eye on me then i called jordan and talked to her. i ended up crying because she was crying. haha!! then i got out and went up to bed. quincy kept coming in and checking on me. aww I LOVE THAT BOY!! i LOVE him!! he is the sweetest guy i think i have EVER met!! we need more quincy's in the world. anyway...so i'm laying in bed and i can't go to sleep because everything is just spinning around and i'm gonna puke. so i turn on the tv and can't flip through the channels and i end up watching some british stock thing, then jenny comes in to check on me. i go to the bathroom because i can feel that i'm gonna puke and jenny has to pee and i'm like "well i'm just gonna puke on you!!" haha! so finallyi puke and it turns out pink for some reason? "good thing i brought baby wipes!!" haha! so then jenny tucked my drunk ass into bed and i passed out after that. apparently though, quincy came up and laid in bed with me and i started rubbing his feet. AIN'T NO WAY IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL I RUBBED THAT BOYS FEET! lmao no freaking way! i still think he was lying but he says i was talking to him and everything. i don't remember a fucking thing...
so the next day we get up, go get in the hot tub for a good 30 mins, then we all went and got ready to go out. drew kept bitching about me taking 2 hours to get ready when it was more like an hour and 20 minutes!!! he's such a baby! so we went out to breakfast at IHOP and i walk in and i smell EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay, when you absolutely DESPISE eggs and you have a major hangover, thats the last thing you wanna see!! so i'm sitting there, trying my hardest not to puke and what does drew order? 5 FUCKING EGGS! OH MY FUCKING GOD! EWW!! then i got a call from kimmie and jenny and i went and picked her up. came back to IHOP, ate, then we went horseback riding. aww i had to best horse ever! his name was blackjack and he was a sweetie. i got a picture of quincy on a horse cause he said black people don't ride horses lmao! dre got this HUGE ASS beast horse! "big dog! big dog!" LMAO! he kept calling him that. it was hilarious. poor kimmie had this slow horse and she was trailing behind. then the horse stopped and took a MASSIVE piss then it was fine after that. it was so funny! awww it was fun though! then we met up with jerry and robbie and them and went and played laser tag. it was fun but these little bastard kids kept shooting me!!! haha!! robbie was a high scorer so thats good. we went and rode go-karts after that and i got the slow one jenny!!! haha! that one sucked! but it was still fun. then we all left and went back to the cabin to take a nap. ahhh it was nice. we woke up, went to the store, then came home and cooked dinner. after that, it was drinking time again!! i mixed up the drinks and i didn't get AS drunk as i did the night before. that was a fun drunk though because i stayed drunk the whole night! that was the best night! we were out in the hot tub for like 2 hours just talking and stuff, then we got out and quincy and i watched movies. then he taught me how to dance like a black girl!! haha i'm good at it too!! i know how to pop! he was like "ohhhhhh look at white girl go!!" haha! then drew tried to dance haha!! i saw him out of the corner of my eye. it was hilarious!! so finally, i got really tired and went upstairs and went to bed.
woke up the next day and the boys did the dishes and the laundry and were ironing my clothes. it was great!! i cleaned up some, but it was mostly drew haha! we have pictures of him ironing. so we got ready and went out to some nascar place. we dropped the boys off and jenny and i went shopping at the kick ass outlet malls. we drove around and listened to our new favorite song!! then we shopped at a few stores then went back to pick the boys up. well, "they weren't ready to leave let" pssh! they ended up staying there for 3 freakin hours!!!!!!! this place was nothing but a freakin red neck convention!! i swear!! ewww we saw this father and son with the GROSSEST kankles and this woman with the BIGGEST CAMEL TOE I THINK I HAVE EVER SEEN! eww! just thinking about it gives me chills!! it was disgusting! so after waiting on their asses for like 45 mins, we left the nascar thing. went back to the cabin to take a nap. i slept for a little while then we all woke up and hung out. jenny and drew started fighting and jenny accidentallu give drew a bloody lip. omg it was HILARIOUS!! aaahahaha!!! so then i went outside and sat in the rocking chair and all of the sudden drew comes over and pours water on me. then i try to fight him and pour the water on him and he picks me up and quincy opens the hot tub cover and THEY FUCKING THROW ME IN THE HOT TUB WITH ALL OF MY CLOTHES ON!!!!! omg i was sooo mad! then they threw jenny in!! so then we had this big water fight and i threw sprite all over drew. haha!! so jenny and i start talking and we're like "ohhh we're gonna get them back sooo good!!" haha!!
so we all get ready again since everyone is wet and go to jerry's cabin. we get there and jessica and stacy are there. so is kimmie and rob and stacy's boyfriend lance. "STRAIGHT EDGE SOLDIER!!" haha!! jessica was actually nice to me too! their cabin was the freakest place i think i have ever been at! it was REALLY nice but it was out in the middle of fucking NOWHERE. up this HUGE ASS mountain! so we're driving up there and there's all these abandoned trailors with the windows busted out and shit. it was fucking scary!! and we were on this windy ass road that was only one fucking lane!! omg i was so freaking out. it was TOTALLY something you see in a horror movie!! i had fun at their cabin though. i beat jerry at pool. haha! i kept making the greatest shots too! he was mad lol. then quincy and i danced for everyone. i wasn't as good as i was the night before though because i wasn't drunk. oh well, it was still fun! so we left and jerry came back to our place with us. we got in the hot tub again and hung out for a while. then we got out and went to bed. aww it was a good night!
we woke up at like 9 the next morning because jerry had to meet the rest of them at the gas station to go hiking. so jenny and i took him and waited for them to get there. we waited for like 20 mins then they arrived and we said bye to everyone, then back to the cabin. we got back and the boys were getting ready to go out to breakfast and go shopping. jenny and i didn't feel like going so we went and got in the hot tub and they left. we got out and laid out for a good 10 minutes and then...we planned our revenge!
while the boys were getting ready we told them that we would pack their stuff up for them so when they got back we could leave to go home. well, we got all of their clothes and threw them all in the trees and threw them in on the house. their shit was EVERYWHERE! we had their undies hanging in the trees at the bottom of the driveway. omg it was GREAT! we took pictures and i can't wait to get them back! haha this car drove by and they stopped infront of our cabin and they're like "what is going on?" haha!!! we thought about putting up a yard sale sign..but we didn't. so then we went and packed all our shit up because we knew they would go after it and hid it in the closet. so we're all excited and ready for them to come home. so then we wait, and wait, and wait somemore. finally, we called quincy and they said they would be home in a little while. so we wait some more, and some more, and finally, we just laid down and took a nap. we called quincy again and i talked to drew and he was like "that house better be spotless!!" and i was like "oh...it's spotless alright!" we were in my bed with the window down listening for cars. so i drift off to sleep and i jump up because i hear a car coming up the hill. it's them and they slow down and look at all the stuff hanging in the trees and we hear drew say "that's not our house" AND THEY FREAKING DRIVE RIGHT BY IT!! LMAOOOOOOOOO!!!!! omg the look on his face was PRICELESS!
so they turn around, not knowing that we're watching them from the window, and go park jenny's car up this hill. so they're walking down the hill and we're watching and listening to them and we can tell that they are PISSED!! drew's like "omg i'm gonna beat those bitches..we're gonna get their shit!" and we pop out of the window and jenny's like "we laid everything out for you!!" and they look up and see us and start running in the house and up the stairs. jenny and i shit ourselves because we know we're fucking dead meat and they start pounding on the door and jenny and i run into the bathroom and lock the door. so then they can't get in and jenny starts messing with the lock and unlocks it and they get in!! i run into the bathroom and they get jenny and throw her in the hot tub. she comes back up and i let her in and they grab me and take me down the stairs to throw me in but i got away and ran up the stairs and they threw me in the shower with all of my clothes on and turned on the cold water and poured body wash ALL over me! omg it was SO cold! so then drew's like "lets get their shit!" and they run around looking for it and can't find it anywhere. haha it was GREAT! so i go downstairs and drew is PISSED. i mean LIVID! so he starts sulking like a little baby and quincy's out getting his clothes out of the trees. then drew and jenny get into a fight with a donut and drew comes after me and smashes it all in my hair. eww it was nasty. but omg..that was the FUNNIEST thing EVER! quincy was like "man they got us good!" and drew kept bitching like a little baby. omg it was so funny though. they were soooooooooooo mad! payback is a bitch!! lol. good job jenny!!
so we packed up all of our shit and back home we went!! the ride home was long and boring. drew ran over a tire and quincy was deejaying for us. it was fun but i was ready to get back home. we dropped the boys off at drew's and quincy gave us a big hug and was like "thank you so much! i had a good time!" aww he's so cute!! i LOVE that boy! i loveeee him! then jenny and i went out to eat at buffalo bobs where we had the weirdest waitor ever!! then i came home and passed out because i was so exhausted! wow this entry is exremely long! i left out so much fun stuff. but ahh man! that was the best time EVER! i could NOT have asked for a better spring break...ever! i had sooo much fun! jenny, i'm so glad we went!! i love you!!
anywho, it's late and i've been writing this for over an hour! i'm exhausted! i'll post more about my trip later! night! |
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